Where do I even start?!?

A quick and informative guide for getting your first toy, if you have a vulva!

Buying your first sex toy can be quite daunting, scary even! There are so many strange looking options out there, and all you want is something to spice up your sex life (when going solo or with a partner).  We are going to help you narrow down the kinds of spice you want, so that your first toy is what you really want! The focus here is for a basic guide for solo toys.


There are two criteria that assist you in finding the best first toy:

  1. Do you want something that vibrates, or something simple to use for penetration?
  2. Where on your body do you want to use this toy?


Yes, this matters! The kinds of stimulation you want, and where you want it, directs you to kinds of toys that best suit your needs. There is little point in getting a clitoral vibrator when all you might want is some sturdy penetration.

The basics

Many people grow up thinking that their orgasms should look like the ones in movies, with toes curling, head thrown back and pillow biting. For some people, this is the case, for others, their orgasms feel fantastic, but don’t necessarily look like this, others are still trying to find their orgasms.

The world is full of orgasm related myths, especially for people with anatomy usually considered as belonging to women.  These myths often include the superiority of the vaginal orgasm over any other kind; that women don’t really orgasm; that the g-spot doesn’t exist; that squirting is just wee; and many more. We are not going to cover all these now, but be assured that however you reach orgasm, there is no such thing as the wrong way.

For anatomy that is usually associated with women, there are three major areas for stimulation that can result in wonderfully pleasurable sensations and orgasms: the clitoris and vulva, the vagina, and the anus.  For some people, pleasurable stimulation in any one of these areas alone is enough to bring them great pleasure. For some other people, only stimulating any one of these areas is nice, but they get the greatest levels of pleasure when a combination of these areas is being stimulated at the same time!

This is to ensure that your first toy is something that will best work with the kinds of pleasure you already enjoy.

A great first toy is something like the Lelo Lily 2, the Fun Factory Layaspot or the Minds of Love Cloud. What makes these toys so great is their discreet appearance and range of vibrations.  These toys can be used all over the body, but are designed to sit over the pubic bone and provide fantastic vibrations to the clitoris and vulva as a whole.  These are great for people who enjoy clitoral stimulation, and can be a great way to reach that orgasm in a short space of time.

If you enjoy vaginal penetration and g-spot stimulation, a great first toy would be something like the Lelo Gigi 2, the Je Joue Uma or the Minds of Love Gilberto or Activus.  These toys have a wonderfully sleek look, and come with a range of fantastic vibrations for that enhance the sensations of penetration. Any toys with the slightly curved end are designed for reaching the g-spot and providing delicious stimulation.  These toys can also be held up against the vulva for some clitoral vibrations between penetration movements.

For those of us who get more pleasure from combined sensations, so-called rabbit toys are a fantastic option. These include the Fun Factory Miss Bi, Swan Whooper or Silver, Je Joue Fifi or the Minds of Love Stimulus or Seducer.  What makes these toys ideal, is that they provide simultaneous stimulation against the vulva (and clitoris) as well as inside the vagina, giving you a fantastic combined orgasm!

Finally, many people enjoy different types of anal stimulation. This can range from gentle massage around the outside of the anus, to penetration of the anus.  If gentle massage is something you enjoy, or think you might enjoy. Massage Candles are wonderfully romantic candles that burn gently into a massage oil.  Any of the clitoral or external vibrators mentioned above make for a wonderfully yummy sensation experience, when combined with the massage oil! Please remember that if you are using an oil for this type of stimulation, latex condoms will tear if they come into contact with the oil at a later stage of this play. If you are planning on starting off with a massage, but planning to have some penetrative stimulation with a condom on, silicone or water based lubricants are a better idea! These also make the massage feel great and smooth, with the added bonus of being safe for use inside the body. It is always important to use lots and lots of lube when penetrating the anus, as micro tears in the skin are possible if the area is not well enough lubricated!

There are some great toys for anal penetration! For something small, a simple butt plug like the Fifty Shades of Grey Delicious Fullness or the Picabong Tano is a great starting point! They are small enough to slip in easily with enough lube, and also have the added sensations of vibrating, should you want that. Anal Beads are also great first toys, as you can decide how many beads you want to insert as you go. What makes these toys so much fun, is that you can slowly pull out the beads as you reach orgasm, enhancing your pleasure levels!  When venturing into anal penetration, always ensure that the toy is safe for anal. This will include a flared base or a long handle, which stop the toy from getting sucked into the body at the point of orgasm!

One final note on lube! If you are using a toy that is made out of silicone, please avoid using a silicone based lubricant. This combination will result in the deterioration of your toy! Something you really want to avoid! The best options for lubricant to use with your silicone based toy, would be water-based or oil based. Just remember that oil based lubricants break condoms.